The realization about seeking validation from family, friends and the internet came about when I moved 18 hours away from home. Moving away and being a teenager, you would swear that I required validation in the things I did or wanted to do. I thought I did too.
Earlier this year I was forced to deal with life plans not going according to the way I had intended, as usual. I was sent down an emotional roller-coaster, I was confused, angry and uncertain about many things, but regardless of everything I decided to keep going.
Even though I understood the decision I made not to linger on the disappointment, I still went searching validation from friends and family. This lead me back to the confused state from before, I just could not understand why people didn’t agree and misunderstood my actions.
When the solution to get validation for my decision turned out not be a solution at all. I was forced to sit down and analyse MY process of decision making. This lead to the understanding that I didn’t need to explain my decisions every time I made them. 99% when I sought validation I already knew what was best for me, but required confirmation that I was doing the right thing. When I didn’t get confirmation, I would either discard the advice or question myself.
Going through the process made me understand what my moral compass was and how I used it to make decisions and judgments for certain situations. Through everything I started doubting myself less and this boosted my self-esteem.
The process of self-validation takes time, patience and meditation. It’s a way of connecting with your inner self. It’s not the shortest or easiest of processes to go through, but it has the power to make you acknowledge that you are your own key to happiness and reduce the stress that comes from requiring validation from others.
I am not saying that we should not seek validation because at some point we all do, but what I am trying to address is the issue of feeling the need to be validated for almost all the decisions you make and self doubt. We live in a world where we constantly have to question ourselves,but we need to be to trust ourselves.